Long before the Department of Labor survey, providing statistical data on the topic, most parents across the country knew from experience and anecdotal knowledge that in most households, women spend more time than men at performing household and childcare responsibilities.
Whether working in the home as stay-at-home moms or outside of the home, and with little variation, women have done and continue to do more. This has traditionally been a major source of conflict. Along with wanting more recognition for the work that they are performing in the home, women want more help, namely from their husbands.
How are they getting more help? Well, the traditional route, inspired by frustration and a lack of communication is done via channels of nagging and arguments. And, perhaps you've tried this route, only to find that it doesn't really work. So, what’s the other option? How do you encourage your husband to take a more active role in your home? Well, that’s what this article is all about. Outlined below are some tips on how you can encourage your husband to do more around the house and with the kids.
Be Clear on What Responsibilities Need to Be Fulfilled
In "Your Marriage After Baby: 6 Solutions to Common Problems," Pamela Stock contends that after a baby, “Domestic duties double, and so does your bickering. Of course, before there was a baby, there was still laundry, and dishes, and other loathsome household tasks. But there were never so many things that had to be done so quickly. You can't procrastinate about chores once you have an infant.”
To stop the bickering and the tit-for-tat, it often helps to create a list of daily responsibilities that need to get done in the course of a day. Display the list in a visible place in your home and check off items only when they have been completed each day. When asking for your husband's support, refer him to that list so that he will know exactly what needs to be done and can choose, more freely, how to be involved.
Be a Supportive Spouse and Let Your Husband Participate on His Own Terms
Being a parent entails having responsibilities. It’s a tough job, one that we all learn to get better at with much trial and error. If you want your husband to assume more childcare responsibilities as a parent or household responsibilities as a valuable player in your home, let him assume those responsibilities on his own terms. While you may, for instance, believe that you know how best to calm your crying baby or wash dishes, when your husband has been tasked with these jobs, let him do them without your interjections. Only offer help if he asks. Otherwise, sit back and let your husband do his thing.
Switch Roles for a Day
Many moms find it challenging not to offer help or not to become stressed about their husband’s parenting or domestic skills (or lack thereof) when watching things unfold before their eyes. So, rather than staying home, leave! Go for coffee or a girl’s weekend and let your husband assume your responsibilities for some time. Continuing on the first tip, don’t intervene when he has your role, just offer support and guidance when requested.
Make Time for Each Other
This is a benefit for you both. So often, when children enter the picture, it can become very easy for your days to become very divided. While your concerns may be the children, his may be his job, and finding that “place” for compromise in household matters, as a result of this, can be a tougher road to reach. By taking time each day to re-connect and talk about your days, your challenges, your stresses, you’ll be able to, more easily, work towards your goals for more equality. This can be done once the children have gone to bed or through dates or evening walks,
As Elizabeth Pantley says in “Marriage Advice: Keeping Your Marriage Happy After Kids,” “To create or maintain a strong marriage you need to take the first critical step: You must be willing to put time, effort and thought into your marriage.
Sources
- Andrews, E. L., (2004, September 15).“Survey Confirms It: Women Outjuggle Men” New York Times. Date accessed July 31, 2011.
- Bianchi, S. M. (1999) New Realities of Working Families. Congressional Symposium on “Balancing Acts: Easing the Burdens and Improving the Options for Working Families. Sponsored by the Economic Policy Institute, Rayburn House Office Building, Washington, DC (June 15).
- Department of Labor (2011). “American Time Use Survey (Economic News Release).
- Pantley, E. Marriage Advice: Keeping Your Marriage Happy After Kids. BabyZone. Date accessed July 31, 2011.
- Zweiback, M. How Can I Get My Husband to Help Around the House More? Babycenter.com. Date accessed July 31, 2011.
- Stock, P. Your Marriage After Baby: 6 Solutions to Common Problems, Parents.com. Date accessed July 31, 2011.
Faye Davison - Faye Davison is a professional freelance writer based in the Washington, DC metropolitan area.
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